Thursday, May 28, 2015

Awesomely Horrible Netflix Instant Films: Hercules In New York

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When you are starting off as a young actor you sometimes have to do stuff that you later will regret. It’s the nature of the biz. Sometimes you have got to take whatever you can to pay the bills. Arnold Schwarzenegger would one day become one of the biggest box office stars of all time. Later, he would marry a Kennedy and become governor of California. By any measure Arnold has had one of the greatest careers in American cinema history. But he too had to start somewhere and that somewhere was called Hercules in New York.

Arnold stars as the Olympian superman Hercules who is sent to Earth after he gets into a fight with his father Zeus. He arrives in 1969 New York City and is clearly a fish out of water or rather a ripped bohunk in New York when it was a dangerous craphole. But even an immortal strongman has to eat. So, he gets a job as a professional wrestler. His manager is a real mobster, like you would expect. Zeus doesn’t like that Hercules is a wrestler so he sends down Nemesis to bring him to Pluto. Instead, Nemesis poisons Hercules to sap him of his powers and then Nemesis and Pluto make a huge bet with the mobsters that run the wrestling ring. What exactly two gods need with money is anyone’s guess. Hercules is defeated in the match. He figures out what Nemesis and Pluto did and goes after them as well as the mob. Zeus restores Hercules’ powers and he kicks ass and returns to Olympus.

He was 22-years-old in 1969 and fresh off the boat from Austria. His English was not great so they dubbed his voice in post. The resulting bad dubbing was something terrible. The script is absurd and the acting is even worse. Still, without Hercules in New York we wouldn’t have The Terminator or Total Recall.

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